Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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