Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
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I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
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admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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