that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
