WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
