I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
