she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
