i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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