I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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