Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
