Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
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In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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