so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
