this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
