There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
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Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
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PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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