I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
