I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
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our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
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Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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