We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
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wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
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I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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