And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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