So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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