The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
