Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
