I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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