I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
