marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize