Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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