My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
