i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
