Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just want nice things and good sex
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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