Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
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Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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