did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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