Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
