Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
