just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
