when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
