I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Operation Purity has been aborted
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
