My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Randomize
