I cannot find my penis.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
