Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
