dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
