Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
