She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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