I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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