I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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