a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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