i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
That's intense
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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