i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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