she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
