I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
