Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
