After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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