I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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