I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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