Dual....:-)
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
