I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
