If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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