By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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