none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
