Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
