just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Pants are for mortals
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
