Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
