I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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