We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
