Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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