Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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