Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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