Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
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Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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