Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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