I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
