Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
