I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
