So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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