I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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