Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
