i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
