do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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