before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
