She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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