do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
