Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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